Use Your Anger

Use Your Anger

If you find yourself feeling angry all the time, and then feeling guilty when you express your anger, you are not alone. An explosion of anger is occurring all over the world. We are seeing it in the news and in our personal lives with increased verbal and physical violence, bullying, chaos and fear. My clients are experiencing it and more people are seeking help with anger.

Many of us were taught that anger is bad and good people don’t get angry. We were supposed to control our emotions, not talk back to authority and be polite. Some of us experienced serious emotional or physical consequences for expressing our anger. The truth is that anger is just an emotion and when understood can actually help you grow and heal. If you have spent years keeping your anger under wraps, be aware that this leads to a buildup of stress that can cause anxiety disorders, depression or physical or mental illness. Your feelings are there for a reason. We are human beings and that means we feel fear, love, anger, jealousy, etc. If you haven’t been allowing yourself to feel your anger, you may be expressing it in unhealthy ways now.

Few of us were taught how to feel, process and let go of pain. As an adult, you can now choose to learn this skill. You must begin by not criticizing yourself for feeling anger. That’s what makes you human. Robots don’t feel. People do. The key is what you do with your anger. Do you hurt other people or do you recognize that the anger is a signal, announcing that you are not getting your needs met or you feel helpless or are afraid of being hurt? If you’ve had a lifetime of not being heard, feeling invisible or being punished for expressing yourself, your anger may explode when you first begin to feel it. When you can connect that deep well of anger to its source, you can begin to let it go and express yourself in healthier and healthier ways. If you use your anger appropriately, you can change your life.

Transform Your Anger Into Action

Is your anger constructive or destructive? Is this the person you’re really angry with or are they just convenient? Are you pulling out a laundry list of complaints or are you sticking to the immediate problem? Are you blasting the person’s character or are you speaking with strength and no malice? This is a process, not an event. Over time, you will learn how to stand up for yourself appropriately. I knew I had learned this lesson when the interactions started ending with shared laughter or someone saying to me: “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you initially” or “Thank you.”

If you are not being treated well, it’s an act of self-love to tell someone, even a boss, best-friend, child or spouse. If there’s a pattern of that person not listening to you, it may be a sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship. You can’t make someone treat you well, but you can turn your anger into action and leave or set boundaries.

Techniques for Protection and Healing Anger

  • In these troubling times, you can help protect yourself from other people’s anger by imagining yourself being surrounded in silver light. Do this every morning, and during the day as you feel the need.
  • Rose quartz will help you heal the source of your anger in a gentle way. Wear a piece of rose quartz jewelry or carry a small piece with you in your pocket or purse.
  • Take a deep breath and imagine yourself being filled with pink light from the loving energy in the Universe. This will help you dissipate the anger.

For more tips on dealing with your anger in a productive and positive way,
check out these past episodes of Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit:

Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped hundreds of thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through her writing, coaching, and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was chosen by Expertise as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.


Dr. Paula Joyce, The Life Doctor

Personal, Business, and Spiritual Transformation Coach
Office Phone- 972.788.2393
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